A call for unity

I need to talk to you about why the autistic and neurodivergent revolution has not got the traction it should deserve, and I need to mention the autistic dark web. The autistic dark web is a collection of autistic people or people who claimed to be autistic that have been gaslighted and their need for belonging taken advantage of to actively work against the neurodiversity movement and revolution. These people gas highlight bully and harass the autistic community who stands up in the light of day, and fights for justice and create vulnerability for autistic people who out in the open and even our closest people can become targets if we are not careful in protecting our identity and ourselves and uniting together for a common cause.An example of this is  the article written by Tom Clements in the Guardian, which states that Autism has become too broad  and lost all meaning, which is wrong and hateful  and not true there are very clear and distinctive differences you can discover when bloody talking to and contributes to fearmongering organizations and the culture of it contributes to the lack of information available on the actual experiences, and there is a reason that  that autistic people have every day, and that does not lack scientific research because that view keeps it  in a box, that’s keeping regular discussion and accepting it to a standstill. But all of this is a symptom of the problem of the disease that is the anti neurodiversity movement. The problem is the fact that these threats are insittuionilised and organised with literal international organizations that claim to help autistic people but actually helps destroy us. These are some of the organizations in the UK that support aba a so-called cure that creates complex PTSD within autistic people who have to endure it, trust issues for life and so many other things that destroy lives.

national autistic society (Supports Positive Behavioural support, not complete ABA ) less extreme practices but not less dangerous and hurtful . These are just some of the organizations that support abusive therapy.

Gwynedd, Wales – Employs an ABA professional to oversee ABA provision in a couple of its state special schools

Halton – LA and NHS service for challenging behavior: BCBA is the principal manager in a team hosted by Halton Borough Council serving a range of local commissioners including the host borough, St Helens and Halton CCGs, Knowsley, St Helens, and Halton local authorities. Six behavioral analysts and three assistant behavior analysts.

​Harrow – BCBA employed by LA to oversee ABA programs. CAMHS also employs BCBA (part of CNWL, Central & NW London NHS)

And many many more organizations found on this website 

​https://www.abaa4all.com/aba-in-the-uk. Now it’s no secret about what I feel about people who do aba or anything of that variant on innocent people I think they are flat our criminals if they see the impact it’s having on peoples emotions and ignore it but I digress this is not about that. its about the levels of societal structure that contributes to this rampid abuse epidemic.

It first starts with on the top one through government and the NAS. the Government and the NAS collaborated to create the Autism Act of 2009  and the follow-up acts. which I won’t bore you with legal jargon they used mostly because I was bored when I was reading it but what I will say is the most important is that it outlines some and I stress some of the things that need to be done into law, it does not establish a high standard of care , which can be attained through conversations with the geneuine autistic activist community because we are dying to give the anwsers we have been loud a lot. and another the act was not decided by autistic people but non autistic leaders which is insulting and makes all of them morons, because they did not include autistic people in the positions of power to decide our own fate.

Now what can we do about the instutilisation problem we need our own orginisation our own voice, run by autistic people to challenge the power of neglent orginisations that breach their duty of care.


Why the Autism act is vague and crap

Hello all, I thought I would begin to translate the legal jargon, of the parliament acts to inform you all about laws that affect our daily lives into simple understanding entertaining English, not legal nonsense. To save time for you I will only pick out only the relevant parts, and based on how messed up the current system is, why they suck. I am going to use examples in some level of detail on some parts of the government’s extensive autism act document

Autism Act

The very first thing, I have to say is that in the rules that organisations and the NHS, must follow about autistic people they are using, person-first language, like some has autism person with autism. This is bad and dangerous for so many reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that Autism is separate from who we are, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Let me explain why, to those autistics who could think autism doesn’t define me blah blah blah. Autism is very very commonly characterised as a neurological condition, which is somewhat true, but mostly false, it is not a condition it is a neurotype, a different type of brain which affects the way ,we think we feel, we communicate what kind of relationships we want to have a lot of time, what kind of things we do, whether we are interested or not in small talk – spoiler alert we are not. Now notice there is a very slight difference between a neurological condition and neurotype as it’s both about how a brain works, but the difference is that neurotype normalises autism and autistic people and sends a message people appreciate just you know our existence.

Some rules of the statutory language of the Autism Act taken directly

Councils and the NHS should work together.
They should make sure people:
• do not go to the hospital unless they need to
• get the right care in their local area
• get support to live in the way they want to

Ensure that GPs, as the gatekeepers to diagnostic services, have adequate training
specifically in autism beyond general awareness training (as outlined in Section 1) and
a good understanding of the whole autistic spectrum and the diagnostic pathway
that has been developed in their area. This will enable adults with autism to be
supported more effectively from the start of their assessment process.

This an extract from the autism strategy document from thew act and I would like to talk about it as it pretty much reflects what the current problem. One of the problems with this it talks about a good understanding of the whole autistic spectrum, while that is good and that ethos and mindset brought up from that point raises all size fits all sort of atmosphere. What’s more in the document, there is nowhere in the whole specific document that outlines what qualifies as an adequate understanding of the autistic spectrum, which I have to add only comes from having autistic people who can work on this because we just know what to ask. Currently, adequate understanding is viewed among professionals and governments like total understanding supported

supported more effectively from the start of their assessment process. This has never been done properly in the entire ten-year history of the autism act. Because proper support of autistic people after the assessment needs to include information on mental health, the fact we feel things lot more, there needs to be an introduction to other autistic people, so we know how autistic people are, so we do not feel crazy or alone. There needs to be a link to a shop, that allows autistic people to stim toys so they can stim at peace. The assessment process also does not cover all of the topics, and nowhere near the support, that autistic people need. because they need to upfront what support is available for them.

This is the information from the national institute of neurological conditions, on the indicators that someone is autistic. and I will talk about why every one of the indicators they use is out of date and some blatantly inaccurate. and what we can do to reform them .

  • no babbling or pointing by age 1
  • no single words by age 16 months or two-word phrases by age 2
  • no response to name
  • loss of language or social skills previously acquired
  • poor eye contact
  • excessive lining up of toys or objects
  • no smiling or social responsiveness

Later indicators include:

  • impaired ability to make friends with peers
  • impaired ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others
  • absence or impairment of imaginative and social play
  • repetitive or unusual use of language
  • abnormally intense or focused interest
  • preoccupation with certain objects or subjects
  • inflexible adherence to specific routines or rituals

If screening instruments indicate the possibility of ASD reflected, true recognition of autistic people some of there will be different options and criteria for literally everything people looked in a scale from extroverted aspies do not, and get to that, you will need to interview a variety of autistics, especially the most vulnerable ones, because those indictors generalise autistic people which is very dangerous, because there is a lot of different needs that need to be accommodated for . and this generalisation, is risking lives at this moment .

To improve the discussion on autism support within goverment and all orginisations have a department specifically in charge of autistic support and autistic representation, who can reach out and have a mandate of reaching out to the autistic community so as to have support in place for all autistic people.

Ensure that GPs, as the gatekeepers to diagnostic services, have adequate training. Now, this is dangerous as GP’S are not autistic so they do not have a first-hand experience of what it is like to be autistic and because the current expected standard of understanding of Autism is so narrow it misses the majoirty of autistic people.

We have talked about a lot of systemic issues of the Autism Act, through its vague definitions, wrong use of language, and not to mention its complexity. Another issue is that when the Autism is act is mentioned to the Autistic Community they think it’s providing a standard of care it really doesn’t, it only outlines what needs to be done, its like care for autistic kids is a present in a box wrapped in pretty wrapping paper and a card ,and when you open the present its empty and you only have a fancy box with a card saying what it is, that this Act is

So what can we do to fix this situation and fix inadequate legislature, one is made Autism as a protected characteristic under the equalities act force companies and public service organisations to institute mass systemic reform for autistic people change the Autism Act, to agree provisions , agreed by a panel of autistic people who will have a specific mandate of making sure to reach out to as many autistic people as possible

End the tokenism, end the slowness

The time for just pep talks or tokenism ideas for achieving change and reform is over. I wanted to talk about the so-called Autism Hour, it’s an empty and pointless gesture that is creating complacency about achieving systemic reform. We see these stories, showcasing a view of oh look what these people can do despite their terrible condition which is dehumanising and immoral. And it’s not just autistic folk but all neurodiverse people. An example of this is is that story where a down syndrome flight attendant. Here is the link to the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqD91YdK0yE. “An experience she will never forget ” ‘ i feel like being able to live my person driven life ” Raje inducing and I mean seriously, if your purpose-driven life is to help people with down syndrome, help people with syndrome, get her that job for REAL and empower her to have a full career in the and they are so inherently dismissive of her that even her parents were satisfied with that she got to do it for a day, a bloody day. But alas this page is for autistic advocacy but I needed to mention that in solidarity with other neurodiverse advocates out there. So I will switch the topic back now to Autistic people. In the UK tokenism, and showcasing autistic for pr is so rampid so institutionalized that set aside for the moment that the NAS is not run by Autistic people which I loathe and abhor to my very core, the organisation that is supposed to fight for us thinks its okay to support autistic people for a special hour event . Hypercritical Pricks

What is Autism Hour

Autism Hour is where shops businesses make adjustments for autistic people for one hour, not every day, which will make it slightly less insulting but only once a week (which is the most frequent they do.

If you want to see true justice don’t applaud the companies that do these tokenistic gestures shame them for doing very sloppy and almost meaningless work.

This is a direct quote from the national autistic society on autism hour below

” Making adjustments to your shop so it is less overwhelming for autistic people: this normally means turning down music and other background noise, and dimming lights where it is safe to do so, but there are other adjustments you can put in place to create an effective Autism Hour
Sharing information about autism with your staff: to give every customer a positive experience, we’ll be providing information about autism to share with your staff. You don’t have to be an expert, but a little understanding can go a long way.”

This is insulting. For one there are so many more adjustments that are needed for people and it really depends on the customer they are dealing with. For one this campaign achieves nothing as in the morning its literally those type of conditions are available in the morning as pointed out by an advocate I know and another it raises the question, do the national autistic society not care about us the rest of the time, other than that special hourly event, come on. The National Autistic society masquerades itself as this hero organisation, but the truth is because of this and many other things, that they do, are a bunch of frauds and hypocrites, and sadly seems to be the national only body we have available to us all other autistic organisations good ones at that, struggle for funding , people who can actually do real good, scraping by for money ,until things change which I have every faith in will because seeing the. number of. advocates fighting for change fills me with the hope we will have justice. I tested their anxiety support line called them on the website the public and free one, and I was on the phone for half an hour no response, and when I tested the support line again this time on an app given to me by my university brain in hand, instant response. But the catch was to get the app it’s very selective, it costs DSA who pay for it £35 per months just for me to have it.what does this tell you about the NAS priority their support line for the public not being run properly risking lives and emotional well being. Now there is no doubt, I struggle with my emotions, I shutdown sometimes if I am into much stress, can cry a lot of times rant but I am nowhere near as vulnerable as a lot of other autistics who don’t go to uni, or more likely couldn’t go to uni, I have a support network, my mum, my brother even tho we argue they are still there,and friends from uni and home, particularly one who saw my long texts the last two years, which FELT longer then thousand-page dictionary but still found the time to try to help me at every turn, and she is autistic as well, so a lot of the same difficulties, key thing I said a lot not all, there are a lot of differences as well, way so I dont need it as much as others do, I mean its still useful, but the people who dont go to uni dont go to work because of the barrier of anxiety and the crippling weight that has, they need it way more, and they think the charity of Autism hour which doesnt work is enough, thats completely insanity .

Thank you for reading this slight but very factual rant. As always I do not like to leave you on a negative note so this can be solved. What I am about to suggest wouldn’t solve the problem of inadequate support instantly but will help, have a department of autistics, not non-autistics with stupid degrees on autism, but actual autistics who can reach out to the other autistic communities to help with the answers that need to be found, and don’t listen to frauds and hateful morons, like Tom Clements of the guardian, and actually listen to us, and what we have to say and do not silence our rise and voice

Why is it so hard to speak up

A lot of people, organizations like the agents of stagnation the national autistic society, people in government schools parents pretty much wander and constantly say why don’t we speak out against all of this, and why we aren’t part of the change – spoilers yes we are loudly and constantly, but nowhere near enough . Being a part of the neurodivergent movement, the movement for autistic civil rights and meeting so many activists show what the challenge is, and why many people come out almost destroyed meltdowns and burnouts experienced because of the hate and vitriol faced by advocates every day.

The last couple of days there was a pointless twitter feud over the article I have done on aba, where 2 people ambushed me, on my views, and were getting likes etc for their hateful views of the autistic community.it didn’t affect me, in fact, it was hilarious especially how I ended the feud , but its still raised a point I spoke out and there was an attack. Now, this is a minor incident there were more serious ones where a student at my university went after me through virtual and verbal harassment until that ended when I went serious with the students union and Brighton university as a whole and was hell-bent on it stopping and that was from autistic people from the frauds who have bought in to the hateful narrative being promoted about the neurodiversity movement, and people picking apart someones tiny mistakes . Frauds like Tom Clements but this article is not about them.

Activists in the public eye, become targets open and vulnerable, because of this. Like I have seen an activist who some trolls that try to prove they are not autistic, like what the hell is this mess, what gives the person the right. Some activists have had family be a target, others have been stalked and all of this bringing a mental strain and emotional baggage to a person as it would everyone.

An example of this. At London autistic pride I met a woman who was working in the foster care system who came forward to her supervisor about being gaslighted and got fired the next day. And now at least last I heard she is fighting to get her job back and justice not because she cared about the jerks who fired her but the kids as she was scared for them as if they did to her she was worried and she chose to fight for them so they get the best care, as she was scared about their attitude to abuse that can be promoted to the kids and this is also an example of a true hero.

Altho activists speak out on a lot of different issues, the number one thing that gets in the way is gaslighting, which I spoke about in an earlier article. How gaslighting is done is the abuser makes it think that it is the fault of the person who their abusing, making them feel like they are crazy. This is dangerous enough as it is, but even more so, when we are coming forward about abuse issues because people who engage in gaslighting can make it seem like our fault when it isn’t and will never be.

Do you hate me, do you loathe me, why do you silence me do you hate me because that I won’t stay silent this is the opinion of some of the autistic community who lose hope because of this, and if that happens it is difficult to come out of I understand. With all of this stigma that is being placed on Autism the fact that it is to talk to about the neurodivergent movement and this need to change, and we all need to work together to change the definition, and to change the discussion on the neurodiversity

With all of the obstacles against us, against it is easy to get scared, to lose hope, to feel like the whole worlds against you and shut down, but the thing we have to know is we are not alone in this movement, in general life we are getting in the notion, that we are alone and thus we get shut-in, but we need to rely on our support networks, if we don’t have one which sadly in this type of society is possible, we can find one in support groups online like autism inclusivity and of course the autism league is here for you to make sure that we remain open with our emotions, with our thoughts and identities to keep us sane, and remember we are people, loved and valued to make sure that we remain safe.

I am not one to leave you on a negative note, so I will say this the neurodiversity movement, is strong we will continue fighting until autistics everywhere have the justice they deserve, incredible activists and heroes risk a lot every day to fight for our cause, and we will get there its only a matter of when due to the result of our strength and brilliance, and if anyone who is not autistic and just anyone listen to the views of the heroes and have a proper and productive discussion on how to support autistic people, and if ever you see, abuse towards us or just anyone please speak out, because we need you, because as people we are one.

The Stigma Killer

Today we are going to talk about the issue of ableist culture everywhere in home life, in schools, in employment , mental health and and the fact that a lot of people unknowingly and knowingly trigger our anxieties, and us being called selfish, and our crying and anxieties praying on the most vulnerable and that is the main thing the most vulnerable are affected and we will not relent in the face of that and we will not crumble .

Mental health and struggling with it are already stigmatised to a very dangerous degree but for autistics, it is so much worse, because we face a lot of stigma on things like meltdowns shutdowns and other things that no doubt we struggle with every day, and the discussion needs to change because every day a lot of us feel that something is wrong with us that something is up with us and because of the differences we often end up being shunned and rejected by the non autistic community, where a call for mass education nationwide about how autistics are needed to be brought in to place, more so then it currently is . because this can save lives. 10 per cent of all suicides in the UK are from autistic people and 30 per cent of autistic people that go into mental health system die of suicide due to poor practice which is caused to the terrible amount of knowledge actually available in the public eye and the amount of knowledge literally answers any autistic can give thats not being underused.

Abelist culture in society is when people say things oh look what this autistic has done good them ooop oopp when it’s doing a job that they could do permanently just for a day, like this ridiculous story in the BBC about a girl with down syndrome doing a stewardess job for a day because of some great company, a fucking a ricilous story if she could do for ita day she could do it permanently simple and those vulnerable autistics who fall for this kind of culture and causes people to settle for the scraps this kind of shitholes can hand out .we need to reach the people of power, and show that we are beyond capable doing anything we are given, assuming we have the right support systems in place for a given task . This kind of culture has created a very high rate of inferiority complex and this needs to end because we are special unieuqe and brave as the ever growing activist community shows. This happens across the board, employment mental health systems, education . 

The responses to a, the autistic community standing up for ourselves, as trolls do coem after us, which does make orginisation like the NAS wander why they do not stand up for ourselves. I gave a training at my own uni infront of the the enterpnerial deparmtment as practice for some copperate training and they told me you can be a guru on this subject, and my mind was blown, all of what i said is obvious, and i know they meant it in a good way for marketing but bloody hell still was shocking. Together we stand and together we can change this .

The Autistic Revolution

Through my time doing this, I thought I would be starting a movement, and boy I was so wrong, I ended up joining a very established movement, that needs to be heard more, I am just a small fish, in a sea of voices, but my question was if there are so many people fighting for so long, why and why are we so divided and cannot seem to get the traction we need, what stands in our way and what do we actually all bring to the party .

Autistic voices have been used in the past to speak out against discrimination but we get trolls to come after us. Sarah Harvey an advocate I know, and I am honoured to as she is my hero, had trolls and haters come after her son and that type of thing, has happened for a while to everyone, who dares to stand up for the voices of the unheard, of the, abused everyday advocates get targeted. Someone I know from Canada had trolls come after her and accuse of her not being autistic, all of these voices, all of we could do to bring hope brought down when it doesn’t have to be the case it just doesn’t. When the fuck did standing up for peoples rights when the fuck did have a creative voice, when the fuck trying to give hope to autistics who are being hurt every day, something to hate, when cause I am not really sure I cannot understand, the fact that this happens the fact that most news sources want to promote an atmosphere of hate, a society that often repressive ignorant of our views . The advocates who are brave enough to stand, and stand against this tide, shouldn’t be hated they should have the be given the Nobel prize.

The neurodiversity movement, is getting steam, and strength many autistics are uniting together, under the banner of neurodiversity but it is not enough we need to have an organisation as powerful as the national autistic society, so we can shut down an organisation that’s an agent of stagnation and defeat the hate groups or as I would like to say death cults as autism speaks, will eventually get taken down , but neurotypical people have to stop co-opting our narrative our message and to make this happen the autistic activist community need to come together to work for a common cause, because as Abraham Lincoln once said, a house divided cannot stand.

But saying this, autistic people and disabled people are beginning to stand together, the problems are clear and are felt, but the progress we have made so far is only the beginning, slowly but surely we are coming together and nothing will break us when we are, but spreading the truth is one facet of the bigger problem we need to make practical solutions to the problem political campaigning, and pushing for systemic change tackling those who have the power and take back the power .

For the ever-growing hatred, we are getting towards our message – among the NON-autistic people, means we are doing something right, we are hitting a pressure point and we will not relent, in our mission we will not waiver in our persistence to make the world a better place, we will always be there to bring hope

How to comfort someone with a meltdown.

Meltdowns are a physical and emotional response to high-stress situations for autistic people, they are not a way of manipulating, or overdramatic, and can happen for many different reasons. stress, triggers, sensory overload. No meltdowns are exactly alike. but all can look and they feel scary. In my experience, they are usually screaming, crying all sorts of things and usually we autistics get called selfish or ungrateful or any manner of things, by a lot of the time people we love, my heart breaks that this happened to people I care about, and this is why I need to write about this and what people can do to help us during that time.

When you see a meltdown its tricky to remain calm, so first things first are to take care of your emotion, do breathing techniques, five seconds, deep breaths in and out focusing on only the breath, and then you can comfort an autistic person going through a meltdown. Your goal is to get them to a level state and then figure out the trigger for the meltdown which will lead to long term solutions.

When an autistic person is having a meltdown an important task, to do is to get their focus away from it using simple mindfulness techniques, get him or her to show focus on anything else, the time it for about 10 minutes, and then get them to do breathing techniques. in a very quiet environment, get them simply to breathe in and out, get them to focus on visualising the breath and nothing else after which they should calm down, and then you can deal with the situation and talk to them about it.

The Impact of Gaslighting and abuse

Bullying a tough experience that creates trauma and pain to many of us and is the biggest contributor to suicide across the world, and altho people have experienced it many, too many people do know what it is and what it is about. In this article, we will talk about the different types of bullying, and how perhaps at all we can help ourselves and others to get the fuck out of that mess and actually heal,

A very good definition from the Aspergian Bullying is a form of aggressive behaviour in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort.  Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words, or more subtle actions. ” If you have been bullied please or please reach out and get support, and as always the autism league is here for you and you can get out of the situation no matter what anyone says. The first thing you need to know is the different types of bullying what they mean and what effect it can have on you because knowing is half of the battle. In this article, we will also talk about who you can contact if you are the survivor of bullying and abuse. Know that you are special and are not alone.

The most obvious form of bullying is physical bullying it can range from mild to a situation where you really need to defend yourself. In between. The response when we are in a volatile situation is immediately fear and that is a sound and very logical response, but brave with me for the moment, you are going to need to hide that mask it until you get out of the situation because bullies prey on the fear we feel they relish in it. Stare them down and defeat their hateful slurs, with logic and calculated arguments and defuse the situation and if you can just distract them so you can escape, and when you have the chance do it take it. However, if you sense the situation go south do what you need to do to disable them and so you are safe.

Another common form of bullying is bullying using technology or social media. Its when you get harassed and sent constant messages for malicious intent. Now the grownups response because this usually happens to teens most of the time, but can happen to anyone, well back to the matter as this is a tangent, the typical response is to tell people to shut off social media and that does work for some, but for most it’s impractical. Whatever age you are there is always someone you can ask for help, for mos adults and people there are charities who support bullying survivors in the UK.

Another common form of bullying is bullying found in the subtitles of social communication. Its when people intentionally exclude you from the conversation, gossip about you , ruining someone’s social status, and generally being nasty in a subtle way. If you find yourself in that situation, there isn’t much you can do in that because it’s so hard to call it or hold them to account for that, and it will still hurt, but you do deserve better, you deserve kindness and love.

Emotional abuse is the type of bullying that is targeted towards someone’s mental health, it can be a combination of different types of methods, it has contributed to suicides and depression and self-hatred. A very well used form of emotional abuse is gaslighting, it is the type of bullying that someone can use to make you doubt everything you believe and assume you’re the one in the wrong and are crazy, it is a term coined from the play Gaslight. Gaslighters try to dilute what you know and what you believe in and if you’re in that situation solidarity to you and all types of bullying survivors. If you are in that situation most likely, you are in a depressed state, but if you can recognise it cut ties with a person who is doing it, and get help because you will probably need to. Gaslighters are tricky, it is very difficult to hold them to account, as they have plausible deniability.

The Cage of Destruction

I am what’s considered by the neurotypical community a high functioning or the correct term someone with low care needs, but often I do consider myself trapped within myself, not able to be how I am, be able to who I am and have the connection that I want to have. How can this be when I can communicate, study, travel on my own setting aside the fact that it took me years of mistakes and lessons, to be able to live independently. I still feel trapped. As autistic people, we aren’t allowed to talk about our special interests when we are about because we appear weird or blunt or quirky and we get constantly this that or the other thing, Something I have talked about before is that we get told we are selfish by expressing our strong emotion the way we need to do it. All of this is very bleak, very depressing but what can we do what can we improve.

Because of this cage, I haven’t shared my experiences my emotions my thoughts on how I am with people for a long time, even my own family, and sometimes we need to find a way to let people in to trust is usually an untrustful situation, because not letting in someone in the cage, the cage becomes a box of fire or a box of flesh-eating bacteria, but how can you let a confusing lot like the neurotypicals or be sure that you can trust them , well to put simply you cant know they wont hurt you or help you, you can never know but what you can do is live life on your own terms. Have a conversation with whoever it is, explain that your autistic, and list the ways you communicate, how you react to things and trust you can be your genuine self, with them. Given how prone we are to being bullied, for being ourselves we do have to decide how important it is to be our true selves and I say it is beyond important because if we are and we mask we slowly lose a piece of who we are bitten by bit until there is nothing left, of the real us. but we can keep that from happening and we must.

For me getting out of the cage was as the Aspergian puts it getting out of a maximum-security prison. Whenever I mask I like losing the ability to speak and suddenly I agree to everything (that’s not harmful but even things I do not like ) because I was scared to speak out, and being scared even petrified is normal. for a while, my thoughts and feelings were like a muddled , a prison that only now I was able to get out of. For me, it took ages with so much mentoring in school, conversations with my mum, brother helping me, and they were opening the cage but I was still lost. In 2016 my brother, who was always there for me beforehand had a massive fallout and since then our relationship was rocky ever since for years I felt so alone, because of the closest person to me, was sort of ripped from me, and emotionally for years I almost never recovered. I was always reserved and was prone to meltdowns rather than just talking about what I was going through and for a time there was no hope for me to get my voice out, to talk to people about what was going through with me, for years i was lost in my own thoughts, not being able to talk to my own mum, not being able to understand and that sent me right back in to the cage, until i met a few friends who by chance I was able to open up to, over time I shared details about my life with my friends Louise, Maya, Connor (altho I am no longer friends with Connor due to just pointless events that caused so much hurt). Over time it was just Louise and Maya, and even when I was awful and cruel,i told you this story dear reader, to illustrate this point sometimes in the rubble in the mess of everything we meet those people who change your life, for the better and if we do not let them in we miss out on something great, which brings me on to my very last point on getting out of the cage.

As autistic people, it is natural for us to self actualize to obsess over our littlest faults and ideas as we hear so much shit and hate towards it, and we can associate our own actions with the responses , A lot of time my family told me, that I shouldn’t get angry, to things the arguments that went on at my house at the time . My mum had and actually still has anger issues just less as I am a very persistent bugger told me I don’t want to hear your anger when she was. my friends, my uni mentor and all the people i relied on to reach the point of the journey i am at now like 60 per cent healed as i am able to open and trusting with people but still have a shit tone of work to do with this.is to break your associations one by one dictate what a certain response means to you if that makes sense, if it doesn’t message the league and i can clarify. Because when we can break our negative associations, we can fill them with positive ones. Like for instance meltdowns don’t have to have a negative connotation that your hurting people, it can mean that your hurt and you need to heal. Finding a channel for your pain can be very therapeutic as well. Like if you struggle with anger martial arts or fighting sports is a good way to get rid of anger and is useful as a coping mechanism. They worked me for a while, you can also use overcoming your experiences to help others and if you can help at least one person, my dear reader, then its worth it. and together as community we can achieve this and the autism league is always here for you.