Uncovering the hidden truth

In talks with advocates and others in the fight for autistic civil rights, there are some practices that go on that encourage a. masking covering the autistic traits ignorance and general misinformation about the true and genuine autistic narrative, and a lot of are from well-meaning people who want to understand but don’t. A conversation I have had so many times, was oh “you don’t look your autistic” because people just do not know enough about it, because there aren’t enough autistic people in the positions of power dictating the narrative of autistic advocacy and support for autistic people and improve narratives to help improve autistic representations . This will help change the Abelistic language used to describe Autistic people and their culture because currently, this happens everywhere and what makes it worse is that neurotypicals have the most influence over the support autistic people receive.

The lack of representations and proper information being the hands of those in power is that because of this the culture of ignorance and hate thrives even in the most unexpected of places even amongst some in the activism and advocacy forming the way for more hate continue. Hate and internalised Abelism on both sides of the discussion autistic and non-autistic and this contributes to the article written in the guardian by Tom Clements being written. “Yet a report this week claimed that the difference between people diagnosed with autism and the rest of the population is shrinking ” That’s just not true. While it is true it is a broad spectrum covering a variety of things, the conversation around autism, the fact it is viewed as a neurotype, rather than a condition or a disability we will be able to direct our information and research in the right way. An activist I know from oxford has said that the difference between autistic brains and neurotypical brains is clear but it is complicated, and it’s true it is complicated more research needs to be done by academics like Dr Damian Milton, the definition of Autism is Vague but that’s because of ignorance disinterest or patience care asymmetry. The article while trying to highlight the issues faced by very high care autistic people or low functioning autistic people – a term I detest but is used in the current discussions.

A lack of information has contributed to abuse within the family that’s not viewed as abuse but good support or other things, let me explain. For this, I will share a personal story and the reason why I have started the Autism Leauge. I have had this friend the best friend I could ever have, who helped me when I was most struggling, and in pain despite the fact she had her own problems and struggles within her family she put it aside to help me through mine, which touched me and broke my heart a little bit that someone I care about, was stuck in that position and given the fact she is my best friend I was looking for all the help I could give and still am. Her parents were triggering meltdowns within her, and neither did my friend (the autistic one ) and her parents knew what it was and what that referred to and why that was happening. Well, my friend knew why the meltdowns occurred if I am being honest and she can’t articulate that to her family and thus it continues. Her parents and family are lovely people and they do not mean to do harm to each other they are very nice to everyone to me, to anyone who they meet, but because of the fact they do not have enough facts that particular type of dysfunction continues.

So where do we go from here, how do we change and make lives better for autistic and non-autistic people alike create a space for communication and support for the people we love. Well, we should create a new dialogue, between support systems the people who are responsible for that, well-meaning people and informing them , about how to support autistic people and how we are., our strengths our weaknesses, what we are good at what we are good at, move away from the medical modal .and think about it as a way of being rather than a condition with symptoms re characterise it change the language. An example quote from a reliable website the Aspergian “At least, autism rates aren’t escalating at the level mainstream outlets perpetuate.  More people are being diagnosed because we have a better picture of how autism looks across the whole of the spectrum, especially for women” Understanding is on the rise, a lot to do with better information but more importantly, autistic voices are finally starting to get out and we need that to be on the rise more than it currently is, we need to take the fight to the people in power and change the hearts and minds of the people who will make the decision and as always the Autism League is here for you in this fight and we will support you.

To cry without the Shame

Everyone, even non-autistic people face mental health challenges, and the fact you’re surviving it and still manage to live your best life, means that your amazing and beuitful but it’s, even more, pressing for autistic people we feel things stronger and to an extent that are our non-autistic friends and loved ones, its like we feel things like to a point of, the way we feel are a Ferrari the speed and the intensity of our emotions is to that power, and neurotypical emotions and things in comparison, are like a honda altho they can obviously feel stronger the intensity of emotions is far less, yet knowing that a lot of us follow the stigma, we listen to it and we do not show that we are okay and we do not show our emotions, in the few times we do like in our meltdowns we get called selfish or ungrateful and that becomes the damaging factor that contributes to massive emotional abuse, and scaring within autistic women men,children and we need to shed that now, because otherwise we suffer in silence , not knowing otherwise are going through what we are, and sadly some of us including me at one point turns to sucidal because no one knew that we were in trobule . So what do we do, and what can the people care about us do for us, cause its a two-part solution, allow yourself to free and allow yourself the time to process the emotions you experience, because denying them might put you at great risk as it once did me, cry if you need to, especially if you get told you can’t, because you allowing yourself to feel is the bravest thing you can do.

The Price of Autistic Masking

As autistic people we get told we blunt we weird, we this that or the other shit, well you did come the autism league we straight here. Masking is when we are struggling to be ourselves and we replicate the neurotypical behaviours mannerisms and language types of our neurotypical counterparts like basically becoming the ultimate chameleon in the world that’s trying to make us autistics become extinct, if your a neurotypical reading this article, be respectful please your on a website designed to empower autistics and here we do not hold back. Autistic people tend to mask, to quell their anxiety, but have you noticed that non-autistic people also mask, I mean think about, what the fuck is small talk for, I have seen conversations about the very thing we are eating, and the food is right in front me I can see it, or conversation about the fucking weather, because they want the other person to like them because of the tiniest fright of being disliked and also the very concept of being “polite” . Now, this to autistic masking is very different but i think it should still be pointed out because we mimic others to point precision and the effects of it. People constantly pointed out my flaws in school, and even in-home life as well. My brother has said to me “your lack of social understanding baffles me “when I went into the asking do I want to come in, I mean yes cause I want to see my nephew’s what’s wrong living in the world that honest, but honestly I can go on that rant for ages. If we mask we lose who we are, what makes us special, what makes us genuine because we are compromising who we are. Masking the level we autistics do it to, is physically and emotionally draining and can also be on an individual leaving the appearance of being depressed cause you’re always tired when you don’t need to be. We blend in by emulating expressions language type, subject matter, posture to appear neurotypical almost like learning a second false state of being . not just t talking borning topics as the neurotypicals do, This is dangerous as this can also lead to anxiety depression and just feeds the culture,that we shouldnt exist, and speaking from experience anyone who struggles with it, i wish you luck and the autism league is here for you.

Moving on from the past

Potential Trigger Warning

Altho young, I can’t help but think about my life to keep true to myself cause it’s so easy to lose who you are and feelings from the past especially painful ones are never easy and mistakes and pain and the reaction typically is to build up a shell a barrier keeping you from crying from really seeing the pain, and eventually moving on. I am going to tell you some of my stories so you can know where my experience comes from and why I know what the pain feels like. A conversation I had within my family revealed it on, is that all of what they have been through creates a callous around their heart and toughness being safe around people she doesn’t like things she doesn’t want, and never want to make the change, and the feeling of stability of structure as autistics crave for our lives and makes us vulnerable to be stuck . Mistakes as I have made a sizable number, I can speak from a great amount of experience can linger you wonder every time if you could have done things differently. For six years I have had a best friend from school we had a fraught relationship, for a while he avoided me, and was a bit terrible, but we managed to patch it up and became as close as brothers, he saved me from embarrassment in front of friends, and he introduced me to two friends who saved me from committed suicide, we were close. But his mental health was vulnerable and in hindsight, I really should have known that. Now we can all handle things at a different level, but for a while, due to some childhood trauma, I had massive anger issues, paranoia, abondmend issues, attachment issues given how close we were I projected a lot of that on to him and sadly other friends as well. A friend of ours was raped, and that broke everyone, in our circle, but to honour her wishes, I tried to keep it as as well as I could but I broke and I told him my former best friend because he was friends with the rapist and needed to know. for a few months afterwards, he pretended he didn’t know for months and that added to the stress and eventually cause he was suffering so much a hatred of the girl who was you know, and eventually added to the problems which broke my heart cause this was my fault before the problems were happening between us. Once our friend group including the girl were supposed to go on a planned holiday to Greece. and suddenly my former best friend, because of those background issues backed out said it was with his family that he needed to go away with, and for a while that was true and then some minor things were said I took it out of context because of my own issues at the time, and I hurt all of them my former best friend and the girl the whole group. The group that I was closest friends consisted off, two girls Louise Maya, my former best friend and Louise’s boyfriend. with my actions, I hurt all of them and i hurt my closest friends, it was difficult from me to recover from cause quite rightly found it difficult to trust me, and I didn’t come back after a few months of being alone, but when i did i had to face the circumstances of what happened of what i caused and it made me cry. Throughout the whole time one friend Maya helped me and provided a shoulder for me to talk and a bit to cry on, and at the time where my brother and I were no longer close and I had problems with my mum it saved my life. Over time we were all strong, but my former best friend told me that he wasn’t really friends with Maya the friend who saved me, and time after time he lied, and I was still healing and after a misguided sense of loyalty I covered for him and I told the girls and had the argument and the friendship with the former best friend ended.

Now I told you this long story about me, not to make you feel sorry for me, but to show the importance of moving on an appreciating who is here for you now , i have changed a lot since healing and i still didn’t see that i did for a while and it took a very persistent friend to point it out to me.As autistic people, e self actualize a lot and with everything I have been through, I self-actualized a lot and thought that I didn’t deserve friends, or just having people outside my family that I care about, and for such a long while I had that association with myself and anyone of you who might be able to relate to feeling like this, you are not alone, you are not a monster or anything else like that you might think or people might tell you . It is human to make mistakes it is human to feel hurt when we go through a lot, the effect of it can lead us to do things we regret but we all do have a right to be happy and move on. Here we do practical advice to help you move on so I say 3 things, one. once a day tell yourself your awesome, think about your strengths, and weaknesses 2. use breathing techniques , one i am fond off, is going to the beach, sitting by the sea and timing your breaths to the sounds of the waves, and thinking about what you have done well, and what you need to progress, and 3 just do and make the time for the things your interested in . These are very very simple things but not having the itme for them makes healing very difficult. The journey of recovery of healing is never easy, and i want you to know you are brave and special and it takes such courage to go through it , sometimes you can find a channel for you Pain a chance to help people , because you can use it you can use the past, you have experienced to help propel people to the future you can be the change you want to see in the world.

War through kindness

When fighting for change, be it political financial, or employment change you have to know that you will need to appeal to people who might otherwise be reprehensible in our eyes, because that’s what needs to be done because to shift the balance of power in the society we need to be able to work with those who we don’t like, otherwise the flames of division will never cease and go out , I know this is controversial, but at this is my opinion you have to do what you need to do to get the change you need to achieve. The first thing is you have to know is you do not need to compromise your morality and honesty to appeal to the people you have to deal with to effect the change just show them compassion and figure out what makes them tick what makes them moveable to your agenda, don’t lie but change what benefit of your plans you emphasise . Dealing with politicians, for example with labour appeal to the pr angle and the moral value of your plans, and with businesses and conservatives emphasise how you’re going to help them be more efficient and make more money. Navigate your way through complex situations with kindness and intelligence. Before you make an approach think about these following things, what’s important to them, how your plans can benefit them and yourself, what you can give in exchange, and what your commitment want from them and come up with a proposal or a pitch that gets all of that across.

Planning large Scale Events

Recently I planned a few large scale events, such as the Tunbridge wells autistic pride event I did, which is written about in a different article, and a film shoot the other day and a few things went wrong in them and thought in this article I would talk about, how you can go about planning large scale events so you can achieve as much as possible in a short amount of time and things can go wrong and people can back out. To start off with any large scale events, you will have to do a lot of planning and first figuring out what is the purpose of the event, what are you hoping to achieve. Follow this step by step checklist when planning an event.

Step 1 : what is the purpose of the event ?

Step 2 : what is the target audience of this event

Step 3 : what do you need for this event

Step 4 : who is involved in this event

Step 5 : what type of event is this ?

Step 6 : what kind of equipment do you need

Step 7: what budget do you have for the event ?

Step 9 : what kind of time comittment do you require of the team

Step 10 : what kind of contigncies do you have if things go wrong .

The Monsters of Autism Speaks

Autism Speaks is a us-based charity, are the biggest frauds and monsters that actually stop real change from happening, stay in the way of actual heroes like stealth aspies and agony autie, from doing actual good work. They promote something called ABA, which is an abusive and horrific form of therapy. ABA stands for applied behavioural analysis. ABA involves stripping away autistic natural behaviours and responses to things which can lead self-hatred and self disdain thinking they are subhuman “The goal is to increase behaviours that are helpful and decrease behaviours that are harmful or affect learning ” This kind of culture that autistic people experience and endure on a daily basis, affects their ability to trust people, to know they are loved and they are valued, and as someone who has seen it and felt it My solidarity goes out to you because it is hard and very painful, and if anyone needs support I and the league will try to do our best to help you believe in yourself, if I or the league cant help, we will do our best to signpost you to people who can. ABA is cruel, and immoral and horrific to say the least, but it doesn’t work on a practical level. When you teach an autistic person to hide their characteristics and responses to things, they don’t go away, they still happen and they just feel worse and worse, and causes them to retreat into themselves and make them less productive in society rather then more ,as ABA practioners claim that it does.

Paul Wadys Speech tunbridge wells Autistic Pride

Tunbridge Wells Mayors speech at autistic pride .

Tunbridge Wells autistic Pride :Mark Blake

Organizing Autistic Pride Events

The Autistic Civil rights movement is getting steam as it rightly should and with people failing us we need to be our own superheroes, and have respect within ourselves. The first step has been doing autistic pride events, the movie for the one the league help is released on the league events page of the website. Autistic pride events are generally about allowing autistic people to feel proud of being themselves and allowing people to have a voice where they are denied, but it is rather a long process and it can be daunting for a lot of autistic people to do when it doesn’t have to be, when you know the structure. The first thing is to find out what do you want to achieve with the event and the second this is what kind of event will help you achieve what you want to achieve and when is the best time to do it. There are several steps you can follow to get this done

Step 1: Pick a location for your event, look at where it can do most impact, a way to asses that is how prevalent are autistic voices or activist in that town, if there is none or very little it is a good location to do it, for me Tunbridge wells my home town fit that description, sadly .

Step 2: pick a venue for the event, taker into factors like accessibility, like wheelchair accessibility, good travell access, whether sensory while it’s accessible for autistic people, keep have ample area to get away from the group, in the case of anxiety

Step 3: contact your local councils, inform them about the event and fill out the various forms, this is necessary to form the event legally, they cover things like risk assessment, duration of the event, the capacity of the event, contingency backgrounds.

Step 4: Find an event team, to handle finance, organization, marketing, and knowledge of events

Step 5: Find promotional channels, research where the autistic community of the town you are doing the event in, are and make sure to get media coverage for the event.

Step 6 : Book your speakers and make sure that all of the speakers go with the general theme of the event.

Step 7: make sure you have contingencies in place for any meltdowns or autistic problems .