How to comfort someone with a meltdown.

Meltdowns are a physical and emotional response to high-stress situations for autistic people, they are not a way of manipulating, or overdramatic, and can happen for many different reasons. stress, triggers, sensory overload. No meltdowns are exactly alike. but all can look and they feel scary. In my experience, they are usually screaming, crying all sorts of things and usually we autistics get called selfish or ungrateful or any manner of things, by a lot of the time people we love, my heart breaks that this happened to people I care about, and this is why I need to write about this and what people can do to help us during that time.

When you see a meltdown its tricky to remain calm, so first things first are to take care of your emotion, do breathing techniques, five seconds, deep breaths in and out focusing on only the breath, and then you can comfort an autistic person going through a meltdown. Your goal is to get them to a level state and then figure out the trigger for the meltdown which will lead to long term solutions.

When an autistic person is having a meltdown an important task, to do is to get their focus away from it using simple mindfulness techniques, get him or her to show focus on anything else, the time it for about 10 minutes, and then get them to do breathing techniques. in a very quiet environment, get them simply to breathe in and out, get them to focus on visualising the breath and nothing else after which they should calm down, and then you can deal with the situation and talk to them about it.

The Cage of Destruction

I am what’s considered by the neurotypical community a high functioning or the correct term someone with low care needs, but often I do consider myself trapped within myself, not able to be how I am, be able to who I am and have the connection that I want to have. How can this be when I can communicate, study, travel on my own setting aside the fact that it took me years of mistakes and lessons, to be able to live independently. I still feel trapped. As autistic people, we aren’t allowed to talk about our special interests when we are about because we appear weird or blunt or quirky and we get constantly this that or the other thing, Something I have talked about before is that we get told we are selfish by expressing our strong emotion the way we need to do it. All of this is very bleak, very depressing but what can we do what can we improve.

Because of this cage, I haven’t shared my experiences my emotions my thoughts on how I am with people for a long time, even my own family, and sometimes we need to find a way to let people in to trust is usually an untrustful situation, because not letting in someone in the cage, the cage becomes a box of fire or a box of flesh-eating bacteria, but how can you let a confusing lot like the neurotypicals or be sure that you can trust them , well to put simply you cant know they wont hurt you or help you, you can never know but what you can do is live life on your own terms. Have a conversation with whoever it is, explain that your autistic, and list the ways you communicate, how you react to things and trust you can be your genuine self, with them. Given how prone we are to being bullied, for being ourselves we do have to decide how important it is to be our true selves and I say it is beyond important because if we are and we mask we slowly lose a piece of who we are bitten by bit until there is nothing left, of the real us. but we can keep that from happening and we must.

For me getting out of the cage was as the Aspergian puts it getting out of a maximum-security prison. Whenever I mask I like losing the ability to speak and suddenly I agree to everything (that’s not harmful but even things I do not like ) because I was scared to speak out, and being scared even petrified is normal. for a while, my thoughts and feelings were like a muddled , a prison that only now I was able to get out of. For me, it took ages with so much mentoring in school, conversations with my mum, brother helping me, and they were opening the cage but I was still lost. In 2016 my brother, who was always there for me beforehand had a massive fallout and since then our relationship was rocky ever since for years I felt so alone, because of the closest person to me, was sort of ripped from me, and emotionally for years I almost never recovered. I was always reserved and was prone to meltdowns rather than just talking about what I was going through and for a time there was no hope for me to get my voice out, to talk to people about what was going through with me, for years i was lost in my own thoughts, not being able to talk to my own mum, not being able to understand and that sent me right back in to the cage, until i met a few friends who by chance I was able to open up to, over time I shared details about my life with my friends Louise, Maya, Connor (altho I am no longer friends with Connor due to just pointless events that caused so much hurt). Over time it was just Louise and Maya, and even when I was awful and cruel,i told you this story dear reader, to illustrate this point sometimes in the rubble in the mess of everything we meet those people who change your life, for the better and if we do not let them in we miss out on something great, which brings me on to my very last point on getting out of the cage.

As autistic people, it is natural for us to self actualize to obsess over our littlest faults and ideas as we hear so much shit and hate towards it, and we can associate our own actions with the responses , A lot of time my family told me, that I shouldn’t get angry, to things the arguments that went on at my house at the time . My mum had and actually still has anger issues just less as I am a very persistent bugger told me I don’t want to hear your anger when she was. my friends, my uni mentor and all the people i relied on to reach the point of the journey i am at now like 60 per cent healed as i am able to open and trusting with people but still have a shit tone of work to do with to break your associations one by one dictate what a certain response means to you if that makes sense, if it doesn’t message the league and i can clarify. Because when we can break our negative associations, we can fill them with positive ones. Like for instance meltdowns don’t have to have a negative connotation that your hurting people, it can mean that your hurt and you need to heal. Finding a channel for your pain can be very therapeutic as well. Like if you struggle with anger martial arts or fighting sports is a good way to get rid of anger and is useful as a coping mechanism. They worked me for a while, you can also use overcoming your experiences to help others and if you can help at least one person, my dear reader, then its worth it. and together as community we can achieve this and the autism league is always here for you.

The Price of Autistic Masking

As autistic people we get told we blunt we weird, we this that or the other shit, well you did come the autism league we straight here. Masking is when we are struggling to be ourselves and we replicate the neurotypical behaviours mannerisms and language types of our neurotypical counterparts like basically becoming the ultimate chameleon in the world that’s trying to make us autistics become extinct, if your a neurotypical reading this article, be respectful please your on a website designed to empower autistics and here we do not hold back. Autistic people tend to mask, to quell their anxiety, but have you noticed that non-autistic people also mask, I mean think about, what the fuck is small talk for, I have seen conversations about the very thing we are eating, and the food is right in front me I can see it, or conversation about the fucking weather, because they want the other person to like them because of the tiniest fright of being disliked and also the very concept of being “polite” . Now, this to autistic masking is very different but i think it should still be pointed out because we mimic others to point precision and the effects of it. People constantly pointed out my flaws in school, and even in-home life as well. My brother has said to me “your lack of social understanding baffles me “when I went into the asking do I want to come in, I mean yes cause I want to see my nephew’s what’s wrong living in the world that honest, but honestly I can go on that rant for ages. If we mask we lose who we are, what makes us special, what makes us genuine because we are compromising who we are. Masking the level we autistics do it to, is physically and emotionally draining and can also be on an individual leaving the appearance of being depressed cause you’re always tired when you don’t need to be. We blend in by emulating expressions language type, subject matter, posture to appear neurotypical almost like learning a second false state of being . not just t talking borning topics as the neurotypicals do, This is dangerous as this can also lead to anxiety depression and just feeds the culture,that we shouldnt exist, and speaking from experience anyone who struggles with it, i wish you luck and the autism league is here for you.

Moving on from the past

Potential Trigger Warning

Altho young, I can’t help but think about my life to keep true to myself cause it’s so easy to lose who you are and feelings from the past especially painful ones are never easy and mistakes and pain and the reaction typically is to build up a shell a barrier keeping you from crying from really seeing the pain, and eventually moving on. I am going to tell you some of my stories so you can know where my experience comes from and why I know what the pain feels like. A conversation I had within my family revealed it on, is that all of what they have been through creates a callous around their heart and toughness being safe around people she doesn’t like things she doesn’t want, and never want to make the change, and the feeling of stability of structure as autistics crave for our lives and makes us vulnerable to be stuck . Mistakes as I have made a sizable number, I can speak from a great amount of experience can linger you wonder every time if you could have done things differently. For six years I have had a best friend from school we had a fraught relationship, for a while he avoided me, and was a bit terrible, but we managed to patch it up and became as close as brothers, he saved me from embarrassment in front of friends, and he introduced me to two friends who saved me from committed suicide, we were close. But his mental health was vulnerable and in hindsight, I really should have known that. Now we can all handle things at a different level, but for a while, due to some childhood trauma, I had massive anger issues, paranoia, abondmend issues, attachment issues given how close we were I projected a lot of that on to him and sadly other friends as well. A friend of ours was raped, and that broke everyone, in our circle, but to honour her wishes, I tried to keep it as as well as I could but I broke and I told him my former best friend because he was friends with the rapist and needed to know. for a few months afterwards, he pretended he didn’t know for months and that added to the stress and eventually cause he was suffering so much a hatred of the girl who was you know, and eventually added to the problems which broke my heart cause this was my fault before the problems were happening between us. Once our friend group including the girl were supposed to go on a planned holiday to Greece. and suddenly my former best friend, because of those background issues backed out said it was with his family that he needed to go away with, and for a while that was true and then some minor things were said I took it out of context because of my own issues at the time, and I hurt all of them my former best friend and the girl the whole group. The group that I was closest friends consisted off, two girls Louise Maya, my former best friend and Louise’s boyfriend. with my actions, I hurt all of them and i hurt my closest friends, it was difficult from me to recover from cause quite rightly found it difficult to trust me, and I didn’t come back after a few months of being alone, but when i did i had to face the circumstances of what happened of what i caused and it made me cry. Throughout the whole time one friend Maya helped me and provided a shoulder for me to talk and a bit to cry on, and at the time where my brother and I were no longer close and I had problems with my mum it saved my life. Over time we were all strong, but my former best friend told me that he wasn’t really friends with Maya the friend who saved me, and time after time he lied, and I was still healing and after a misguided sense of loyalty I covered for him and I told the girls and had the argument and the friendship with the former best friend ended.

Now I told you this long story about me, not to make you feel sorry for me, but to show the importance of moving on an appreciating who is here for you now , i have changed a lot since healing and i still didn’t see that i did for a while and it took a very persistent friend to point it out to me.As autistic people, e self actualize a lot and with everything I have been through, I self-actualized a lot and thought that I didn’t deserve friends, or just having people outside my family that I care about, and for such a long while I had that association with myself and anyone of you who might be able to relate to feeling like this, you are not alone, you are not a monster or anything else like that you might think or people might tell you . It is human to make mistakes it is human to feel hurt when we go through a lot, the effect of it can lead us to do things we regret but we all do have a right to be happy and move on. Here we do practical advice to help you move on so I say 3 things, one. once a day tell yourself your awesome, think about your strengths, and weaknesses 2. use breathing techniques , one i am fond off, is going to the beach, sitting by the sea and timing your breaths to the sounds of the waves, and thinking about what you have done well, and what you need to progress, and 3 just do and make the time for the things your interested in . These are very very simple things but not having the itme for them makes healing very difficult. The journey of recovery of healing is never easy, and i want you to know you are brave and special and it takes such courage to go through it , sometimes you can find a channel for you Pain a chance to help people , because you can use it you can use the past, you have experienced to help propel people to the future you can be the change you want to see in the world.

Solidarity for change

I wanted to talk to you about the origins of the Autism league and why coming together for change is important. Two years ago, when I first started activism work that will go on to be the autism league, I went through a tough time, the worst I have ever been in my life close but there was a friend who saved my life by there for me, even when I was at my worst even when I lashed out, at her because I used to have anger issues. and when I got better, I started trying my friend and I couldn’t, month after month could do nothing and eventually, I could do nothing, I felt powerless and eventually, I thought enough is enough, wanted to explore whether my friends problems, were common among the autistic community, the more I went down the rabbit hole, I knew that something needed to be done .so I started on the journey on trying to fix things. I was involved in my universities autism support group finding out where the problems lie and I heard just how wonderful other autistic people are and it really was lovely, i had to leave sadly due to some disagreements with my co-partner of the autism support group and some mental health problems , but in the abyss of my healing and recovering from that and was able to help the friend, and after my recovery and departure from the autism support group I was able to begin advocacy work, and in my time i was able to find out from talking to many people, in Sussex uni, Brighton uni , people at oxford, people I met from London autistic pride, and nearly all autistic people go through similar issues, but yet we are divided , and there for our voices can be silent , we need to come together as a single force for change, and get things done

Seeing light in the darkness

A lot of us go through, things from our childhood, employment, encounters with peoples friendship and how we are treated by people, by friendships and relationships and sometimes that is a positive impact and sometimes it is a possibility to have a positive impact like something like my childhood did for me, of having a zeal that’s unreal to make the change I want to happen in the world. But a lot of times sadly we are not that lucky, sometimes we have something so traumatic happen to us that it takes us years to recover. Today I am going to talk about how we are actually can recover from that or help people to come out from the side of darkness.

During my life, I have encountered 3 people that were the survivors of rape, and i am mentioning this because obviously its absolutely devastating for survivors to deal with but often or not when your the family member or friend of survivor you don’t know what to do because all you do makes things worse, well sadly I am not talking in theory that happened to 3 times where i had to help people and its difficult to even contemplate something that horrific happening to any person but when its someone you know that pain is that much more unbearable and no one autistic or not knows how to truly support someone, who is a survivor of that but since the autism league one of our remits is to help autistic people I will give it a shot because it is a topic that sadly needs to be talked about . Now full disclosure, I am lucky I haven’t had to go through that, but to many people, too many girls, I have seen who have and what happens its heartbreaking, Someone, a friend I know a wonderful girl is in a relationship that is toxic beyond belief, and I made the mistake that a lot of people in my position and are autistic make, be to direct and now the support I am able to provide my friend is limited. Being direct and hot hiding what we think can be the enemy in this situation, to give your friend or family member the help they need. Now what needs to be mentioned is how dangerous it can be a girl in this day an age, and usually, I try to avoid showing my emotions in this advice articles, but this makes me beyond angry and fills me with rage. I just worry about my friends a lot. Last night I was on the line with a friend of mine, to make sure she got home safe late at night for about an hour cause I was that worried. We have an instinct to want fix to want help, but the truth is we cant we have to be there during those dark moments that our loved will undoubtedly have and its not fair, but that’s the only way to be where we can’t always fix we can’t always help but what we can do is be there for them to deal with that pain, and as autistic people often or not we look for solution truthfully there is none, and the only solution we can find is how to help someone carry the load, and slowly go to get help. If anyone needs some support pls do get in contact with us, our contact details are available. our team is very accessible through the facebook page. We can try to provide an ear to listen and try to our best to advise or we can try to signpost.

Bullying and abuse can take the fact of many different levels whether it’s being verbal abuse, physical and can happen during all ages through primary school even to uni, and we need to be able to talk about it especially us autistic people, as well as we, have a dangerous path, on creating associations with how things are supposed to be and that is dangerous, and potentially lethally . If we grow up, seeing that it was not okay to talk about our emotions, to talk about how we are, and if we get told that horrible treatment is normal that’s what we believe healthy things can be ,and the recovery from that is beyond difficult beyond hell and but it can be done , but the first thing we need to know to be able to know that to be aware of the patterns you are getting through and be aware of your habits and rituals cause they can dictate what mental state you get into . and please do watch that. You also have to look out for what is abuse towards you whether it’s making you doubt yourself and who you really are, whether what a person is saying or doing is making you bout your interest or who you are, or if your in a relationship and they are telling you who to see or what to do . Be a watchful eye and look after yourself and as always the league is here for you

The Cycle of Anger

Hello all, i would like to talk to you about anger management problems and what happens if someone looses control, what goes through their head and why they come out of it all apologetic and pretty much always more sorry than the person who actually made them angry at the first place , as they end up lashing out much more . The lack of anger control doesn’t mean that someone is bad a person, nor that they are selfish or they don’t care because often or not they are trapped by their own anger un able to do something an experience that is similar to of being out of your body not being able to stop whats happening , and kind of being a witness to your rage self . There are 3 stages of the Cycle of anger

The first stage is something called Hulk Mode a analogy i made up , its when your rage side takes over, and who you really are is hidden underneath anger and rage , and all that comes out of you is lashing out , and sadness basically all that comes out of you is the toxic sludge of emotions and all you can feel is the anger not being able to solve the issue or escape the emotional prison

The next stage i would like to call is arming the bomb, and explosion this is when you get impulses from your anger filled brain about what you would like to do to the person your angry at or what you would like to say to the person your angry at things on that line its different for every person , when i was going through anger issues it was like this for me . and you keep having these kind of thoughts again and again and again until the bomb you armed sets off and explodes in someones face ,unfortunately with how anger issues usually works its almost never the person your actually angry at its almost always the person who has always was around you ,who always supported you no matter what you have done its called displacement. In my case i made my two school friends who i love like sisters cry ,and something else i have to say is when you realize you have done that i am wont shield you from the reality is soul crushing and if anyone is going through that currently ,my heart goes out for you my dear reader truly and if your making the tough decision on getting help for anger issues i want you to know you are brave and strong , cause it takes such strong courage to get help for it especially when you feel you have lost everyone your care about to anger, almost always its never truly over, the people who truly love you and you might have hurt, are waiting for an apology and dying for an opportunity to heal the wounds even if there is work to do to make that happen, but its still true. Even if your reading this it means you want to be better and to learn, and i want to say whoever is reading this, i am proud of you and i wish you love and happiness.

Ways you can deal with the cycle of Anger

When your arming the bomb of angry emotions, you most likely see red or pure rage , always remember to not make any decision, when your arming the bomb, any thought any conversation, any interaction can fuel the bomb and make the explosion be that much more violent both quite literally i have seen people be violent as a result of anger issues, well i have been , when an explosion of anger happened to me one time, i wailed on a punch bag, like a psychopath, i could hear absolutely nothing. In the moment of armememnt ,your only priority is to stop the angry emotions, so you can deal with what made you angry after you have defused the bomb . For me what works is having an anchor point, a thought or an emotion , thats so much more powerful ,than the anger that it can bring you down .Go down to a private place where you can mediatate an you could use breathing techniques where you take very deep breaths in an out 3 times slowly, outside, focusing on a music beat an thinking of your anchor to come back and defuse and then you could think of why that happened and what to do about it after say an hours rest.

The Realisation of Purpose and the turning to special interest

Purpose and passion is the way of life , most of us want to discover who we are and what we are meant to do in life , a purpose that gives everything meaning and if we do not have that we feel lost and sometimes a bit hopeless, but we all around autistic people may and most do have special interests a something that occupies a mind to the point of obsession sometimes. and it soothes us when we do it. Often or not special interests are hobbies like for me computing or media , and often it is linked to the purpose we want to achieve and that is why it is imperative that we as autistic people and you guys who are not, but who care about us, who loves us in the case of family need to encourage us to pursue our special interests and help us find a productive use of it, as my special interest weirdly has become this website and video making, so I spent time a lot of time doing all of this and I love it,and I hope this helps people and helping people is the ultimate purpose the ultimate value making a difference in peoples lives and there is no other purpose that is greater than that in my view. But even with special interests they can change and that feeling of obsession with something if it does change has to be controlled by the autistic person, as if we switch interests as I did from computing to media and this, we cant always abandon the previous thing because we might have investment of time or resources in the other and might be problamatic to drop . For instance i am not going to drop out of my degree because i have picked up media and buildin the autism league because it gives me useful skills and access to good experiences and resources.

Second Chances

This year, I was very low and was in the midst of some failures, professionally, academically and in my personal life and that took a while to escape from that and it did send me into a pit of depression which is hard to get back from. My first professional public speaking event at the university bombed, while I did get what I need across my message, a lot of people were unfocused, everything that could go with organising an event that could go wrong did, and my academic performance was dropping and i did not have the support of friends at the time and the support I did have my mental health kept me from seeing I actually had it, so it caused me to fail my second year all because i did a series of actions that set in motion my downfall. When I officially recognised that i failed accepted that it couldnt changed and started to change and improve my state and since then I was able to build up this website and the autism league community and move out of accommodation that’s was basically like a slum in Brighton. We spend time obsessing over our mistakes, over the people we have lost through arguments our other things which keep us bound to like our anxiety, and if you got to that point through failing its hard to break free, to break free from feeling like your a failure keeping yourself from anxiety and anyone who is going through that or has gone through that feels residual pain i am in solidarity with you and I want you to know your not terrible and your not worthless and your not a failure . Our failures and mistakes do not define us, what defines us are what we do in response to them, do we give up and crumble or do we get stronger and try to get better. Now I know that sentiment is cliche and for someone with clinical depression its the absolute worst thing to hear, some people at a better state can hear that in which case good luck but those who can’t just take the first step realise that it is within your power to get better everything in your control, and while you might feel pain now, its not the end and there is hope, and learn a simple breathing technique, sitting at the beach breathing in and out only focusing on your breathing and this will help you deal with your anxiety bit by bit, well it did help me. Some events might come along like the opportunity to redo something might be in peoples minds reinforcement of the belief you’re a failure but its not ,its hope because it gives you a fresh chance to be better to have hope. I wish to luck to any readers who has strugled with this and i want everyone to know that they are not alone .

Comforting someone when experiencing a meltdown

Meltdowns are very difficult to handle, they look and feel very severe and seeing a friend go through it is difficult for anyone let alone someone who experiences anxiety themselves and my heart goes out for you if that’s you, this article is for you the most. First of all, I am going to try to define something quite difficult what an autistic meltdown actually is. An autistic meltdown is when someone experiences an activity or has access to stimuli known as a trigger which makes an autistic person feel an overwhelming amount of anxiety and sadness that we just don’t know how to handle and it can cause us to shut down which basically means isolate oneself or not being able to say anything, or whatever response is done by the individual and can go on for hours there is undetermined length of time, which is very very scary for both people who go through that, like myself I have had meltdowns where I physically couldn’t get out of bed no matter how much I tried and because of that uncertainty a lot of people leave meltdowns unhelped which is instantly worse as it leaves the person in mental hell. Meltdowns are usually linked to a high amount of anxiety and anxiety is almost always linked to fear of the future, and to help it bring them into the present. Once I had a panic attack in an exam, and the school counselor came in I was having a meltdown in a database making the exam and he came over and got me to count all of the computers in the room and that was powerful as it took me away from the anxiety-riddled mind, by making me think of something else and that continued the trend of alleviating the anxiety and once I was able to speak again he got me to look at the greenery outside because nature has very therapeutic value to it . When an autistic person mind is off the anxiety trigger and has calmed down, it’s safe to deal with what caused that trigger and start to make an attempt to find a long term and viable solution to whatever the problem is.