To cry without the Shame

Everyone, even non-autistic people face mental health challenges, and the fact you’re surviving it and still manage to live your best life, means that your amazing and beuitful but it’s, even more, pressing for autistic people we feel things stronger and to an extent that are our non-autistic friends and loved ones, its like we feel things like to a point of, the way we feel are a Ferrari the speed and the intensity of our emotions is to that power, and neurotypical emotions and things in comparison, are like a honda altho they can obviously feel stronger the intensity of emotions is far less, yet knowing that a lot of us follow the stigma, we listen to it and we do not show that we are okay and we do not show our emotions, in the few times we do like in our meltdowns we get called selfish or ungrateful and that becomes the damaging factor that contributes to massive emotional abuse, and scaring within autistic women men,children and we need to shed that now, because otherwise we suffer in silence , not knowing otherwise are going through what we are, and sadly some of us including me at one point turns to sucidal because no one knew that we were in trobule . So what do we do, and what can the people care about us do for us, cause its a two-part solution, allow yourself to free and allow yourself the time to process the emotions you experience, because denying them might put you at great risk as it once did me, cry if you need to, especially if you get told you can’t, because you allowing yourself to feel is the bravest thing you can do.

Planning large Scale Events

Recently I planned a few large scale events, such as the Tunbridge wells autistic pride event I did, which is written about in a different article, and a film shoot the other day and a few things went wrong in them and thought in this article I would talk about, how you can go about planning large scale events so you can achieve as much as possible in a short amount of time and things can go wrong and people can back out. To start off with any large scale events, you will have to do a lot of planning and first figuring out what is the purpose of the event, what are you hoping to achieve. Follow this step by step checklist when planning an event.

Step 1 : what is the purpose of the event ?

Step 2 : what is the target audience of this event

Step 3 : what do you need for this event

Step 4 : who is involved in this event

Step 5 : what type of event is this ?

Step 6 : what kind of equipment do you need

Step 7: what budget do you have for the event ?

Step 9 : what kind of time comittment do you require of the team

Step 10 : what kind of contigncies do you have if things go wrong .

Paul Wadys Speech tunbridge wells Autistic Pride

Different Stories and the need for understanding

During my work as an activist, I have seen different types of stories different types of struggles, different types of creativity, different types of voices and the endurance to survive and it was amazing to see and that kind of thing reinvigorates my desire to help people succeed. When working with them i saw the most incredible stories and that’s not just about them surviving but succeeding and searching for an incredible life. I was involved in my universities Bame mentoring program which stands for the black and minority ethnic mentoring program and i was given a year 9 kid for confidentiality reasons I can’t name him, and he told me a story about every day he practices self-defence and mixed martial arts and he said he was doing it for years, and i asked him why and he told me its because it’s my dream, I have to do this, that kind of focus was just amazing to see. I saw my friend Jorik from Oxford and he told me his purpose is to make sure that no one feels the same way which just showed me how amazing people can be .I used to be a few years ago not like spending time with people just not like people a cloud of cynicism went over me, due to everything i have been through and if it wasn’t for certain people i would have remained in hell. It might surprise you, my dear readers, that i am actually only 20 years old. I haven’t had an easy life i have had a great one, filled with mixed moments from amazing moments, to heartbreaking one’s heartwarming ones like for example the death of my family friend Paul, the ending of a 6-year long friendship with a former best friend the assault of my best friend and that asshole getting away and heartwarming moments, like my friends supporting me through hell the entrance of my beautiful niece and nephew my brother being there for my whole life, mixed events and mixed feelings. . It’s easy beyond easy to feel hate its easy to let pain cloud the goodness in life and the goodness of people as I saw the adults around me attempt to do as I grew up but let me tell you why i think that is a terrible idea, the worst you could possibly do for your life.. because if you live in hate and anger you live with the pain of the past you could lose time with the people you love most. This happened to me. last year i was at my worst anger issues to a psychotic degree, lashed out on everyone didn’t spent time with my mum, my closest friends, my brother my mother because i was so focused on what they have done wrong and later consumed by my own guilt i lost out on months with them. My two closest friends Maya and Louise, i lost out on 4 to 5 months without them when i could have seen them spent time with them, and now Louise is in uni, and Canada and of course I couldn’t be happier for her but I really miss her and i can’t do anything about it. I implore you do not make the same mistake I did. And the last point I will leave you with one thing. one person can change your life by chance and even save your life, but if your not to open to people that can never happen, be better be united. Thank you

Pride Experience

Adventures of CollinsWorth University

Hi All , i thought you might like a sneak inside look in to the process me and my team go through to bring you the short movies like adventures of swanley high , this is the screen play for the next sketch, the process goes through, concept, to script ,to story board which is a picture of how everything is going to be filmed.

draft-2-autismleague-script-

Elementor #664

A honest conversation

Lol this froze on an unforoutounate look for me, but I hope the message gets through

Why Keep a Journal? The examined life and happiness.

Today I’d like to say a little something about keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings.

Why bother?

Personally my top four reasons are: memory consolidation, emotional awareness and intelligence, greater happiness (see ‘positivity bias’ below), and being more articulate in face to face conversation.

Crucially, journals are very personal so don’t feel like you have to contort yourself into someone else’s writing style and frame. Pick out issues which matter to you personally, for example if you’re feeling underappreciated or down in the dumps try gratitude journaling. Or if you want to make the most of a holiday, holster the camera, and pick up your pen, switch on all your senses, to tell more than the proverbial thousand words, describing not only what you see but what you can smell, hear, taste, feel, and are reminded of.

Only have 2 minutes to spare?

Here’s a tip: try Michelle Gielan’s ‘The Doubler’.

Reflect back over the last 24 hours and whittle this reflection down to the single most meaningful experiences you had, now set a stopwatch for 2mins, and go! you have 2 mins to describe how you felt. The idea is your trying to relive the experience, if sustained over a period of time you’ll notice a trajectory of meaning as the dots are connected. Perhaps your most meaningful experience was tucking your children into bed. The next day it might be kissing goodbye. And the day after making pizza with your children. A pattern has emerged. You may decide, fantastic I value them most in life so it’s right and proper they’re central. Journalling about this can help to notice lapses in these experience over time. It can also help you to reflect ah hah I’ve long wanted to widen my ‘meaning portfolio’, I’ve now identified the parts, and what makes them meaningful, I can now look to bring in my spouse and friends into my meaning portfolio.

The great thing about gratitude journals is ‘positivity bias’, the opposite of ‘negativity bias.’ To be clear you cannot woo the negatives away by simply thinking happy thoughts, they’re still there, if you can change the negatives in the world then go for it. Change them! Yea, Demand the impossible!

But no matter how great the negatives there are positives out there if you look hard enough. Perhaps someone told you your bag is undone, or stopped to keep granny company as she rested waiting for her friends to admire a tourist hotspot, or perhaps they helped with directions. I’m sure when you notice these little things you are grateful. You may well try and be the one who does them: in the words of the League try to be ‘your own superhero.’ But here’s the rub: if you don’t take a couple of mins to write it down you’ll soon forget how common these things are lost amidst a sea of less savoury experiences.

To reliterate: the idea is to focus on the good not to pretend the bad doesn’t exist and is not in need of fixing if it’s within your control to do so. I regulary find myself coming back to this quote by Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search For Meaning to remind myself not to be submissive and the ragdoll to the caprices of fortune:

‘In no way is suffering necessary to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering—provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable. If it were avoidable, however, the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political. To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic rather than heroic.’

This echos Seneca who said, Why wouldn’t I prefer that war not break out? But if it should come, my hope is to nobly bear the wounds, the starvation, and all else that it must bring with it. I am not so mad as to want to be ill; but if I must be ill, my hope is that I do nothing immoderate or weak. It is not hardships that are desirable, but the courage by which to endure them. (Letters to Lucilius 67.4).

Perhaps like me you find quotes like the two above helpful. If you do perhaps you could try searching out some wise words (ideally between one to three sentences) on a topic dear to you and use this as a kickboard to what you’ll journal about today.

What are you waiting for?

Journaling: the key to happiness?

Today I’d like to say a little something about keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings.

Why bother?

Personally my top four reasons are: memory consolidation, emotional awareness and intelligence, greater happiness (see ‘positivity bias’ below), and being more articulate in face to face conversation.

Crucially, journals are very personal so don’t feel like you have to contort yourself into someone else’s writing style and frame. Pick out issues which matter to you personally, for example if you’re feeling underappreciated or down in the dumps try gratitude journaling. Or if you want to make the most of a holiday, holster the camera, and pick up your pen, switch on all your senses, to tell more than the proverbial thousand words, describing not only what you see but what you can smell, hear, taste, feel, and are reminded of.

Only have 2 minutes to spare?

Here’s a tip: try Michelle Gielan’s ‘The Doubler’.

Reflect back over the last 24 hours and whittle this reflection down to the single most meaningful experiences you had, now set a stopwatch for 2 minutes and go! you have 2 mins to describe how you felt. The idea is you are trying to relive the experience, if sustained over a period of time you’ll notice a trajectory of meaning as the dots are connected. Perhaps your most meaningful experience was tucking your children into bed. The next day it might be kissing goodbye. And the day after making pizza with your children. A pattern has emerged. You may decide, fantastic I value them most in life so it’s right and proper they’re central. Journalling about this can help to notice lapses in these experience over time. It can also help you to reflect ah hah I’ve long wanted to widen my ‘meaning portfolio’, I’ve now identified the parts, and what makes them meaningful, I can now look to bring in my spouse and friends into my meaning portfolio.

Silver linings

The great thing about gratitude journals is ‘positivity bias’, the opposite of ‘negativity bias.’ To be clear you cannot woo the negatives away by simply thinking happy thoughts, they’re still there, if you can change the negatives in the world then go for it. Change them! Yea, Demand the impossible!

But no matter how great the negatives there are positives out there if you look hard enough. Perhaps someone told you your bag is undone, or stopped to keep your granny company as she rested waiting for her friends to admire a tourist hotspot, or perhaps they helped with directions. I’m sure when you notice these little things you are grateful. You may well try and be the one who does them: in the words of the League try to be ‘your own superhero.’ But here’s the rub: if you don’t take a couple of mins to write it down you’ll soon forget how common these things are lost amidst a sea of less savoury experiences.

To reliterate: the idea is to focus on the good not to pretend the bad doesn’t exist and is not in need of fixing if it’s within your control to do so. I regulary find myself coming back to this quote by Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search For Meaning to remind myself not to be submissive and the ragdoll to the caprices of fortune:

‘In no way is suffering necessary to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering—provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable. If it were avoidable, however, the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political. To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic rather than heroic.’

This echos Seneca who said, Why wouldn’t I prefer that war not break out? But if it should come, my hope is to nobly bear the wounds, the starvation, and all else that it must bring with it. I am not so mad as to want to be ill; but if I must be ill, my hope is that I do nothing immoderate or weak. It is not hardships that are desirable, but the courage by which to endure them. (Letters to Lucilius 67.4)

Perhaps like me you find quotes like the two above helpful. If you do perhaps you could try searching out some wise words (ideally between one to three sentences) on a topic dear to you and use this as a kickboard to what you’ll journal about today.

What are you waiting for?